The End of Summer



Title: The End of Summer Author: Velvetandlace The summer ends and we wonder where we are And there you go, my friends, with your boxes in your car Xander forced his mouth into something resembling a smile as Buffy and Willow continued their enthusiastic chatter about college. And sure, he knew he had his own plans – his Keroucish, antiestablishment journey across America – but it still pained him to hear his best friends planning all these new things and not even mentioning him in any of them. He still wondered if he was making the right choice. Sure, school, never good – but Xander was starting to worry he could lose his best friends as they got swept up in a whirl of colour and books and parties.... and college guys, he thought mentally, shaking his head a little. No. No time for jealousy, not now. His smile finally dissolved, replaced, became genuine as Willow threw her slender arms around him, hugging him tight. Xander glanced at her affectionately, poking her softly on the nose. "I get huggage?" "I'm gonna miss you, Xander." "I know, Will." He lowered his head for a moment and a multitude of memories, images of he and Willow, cascaded through his brain. My best friend. "But, hey, it's us. Always gonna be friends. And you got Buffy, and Oz..." Willow brightened considerably at the mention of Oz, and Xander forced himself not to tense, not to remember Willow's kisses like fire, not to think about that... whatever it had been that happened between them earlier that year, how he had felt when they... "And it's not like Xand's gonna be gone forever, Will," Buffy cut in. Xander gulped in relief, thankful for the distraction. Grateful for anything to divert his attention from the lump in his throat. And you both look so young And last night was hard, you said Giles moved quietly through his living room, trying not to trip over falling piles of books, haphazardly thrown in every corner – remnants of his library. A reminder of the life he'd once had. He was still surprised how much had changed right in front of him in the past year. For one thing, he was no longer a Watcher. "You have a father's love for the child", Travers had said. And he'd been right. And Giles was very much the proud father of Buffy. And Willow, and Xander. But the soft spot was for his former charge, and the staccato curse he uttered after tripping over a book was replaced with a wistful smile when he noted the title: "Vampyr". The very same book he'd shown Buffy the first time they'd met, when he reminded her of her calling. And now she was in college, and becoming an astounding young woman. And Giles was already feeling redundant. You packed up every room And then you cried and went to bed But today you closed the door and said "We have to get a move on. It's just that time of year when we push ourselves ahead, We push ourselves ahead." Joyce stood quietly outside Buffy's room, leaning on the doorframe as she watched her daughter and Willow pack the last of Buffy's things. Joyce was worried, of course. Scared. Ever since she found out Buffy was the Slayer, she couldn't be a protective mother. But at least she'd had Buffy home with her. Would Buffy even need a mother now? She sighed, and tried mentally preparing herself for spending the rest of her life in an empty house. And it was cloudy in the morning And it rained as you drove away And the same things looked different It's the end of the summer Willow had been there to see him off, of course. How could she miss it? It was a big separation for her and Xander. It hurt more than she'd say, to watch him drive off and know she would have no way of contacting him for a long time. Months. Willow felt lost. She'd embraced him one last time, trying to smile, ignoring the tear that escaped her eye and spilled down her cheek, babbling about the class field trip when they were thirteen, and look at him now, and... No, in the grownup sense, Rosenberg, not the handsome sense. She swallowed hard, shooing away the thoughts... What had Xander called them that time? Indiscretions. Right. Focus... Oz. Yes. Oz. I love Oz. Looking away, she gave Xander a quick kiss on the cheek. Her voice, barely above a whisper. "Be safe, Xand. Love you." And I feel like the neighbor's girl who will never be the same She walked alone all spring, She had a boyfriend when the summer came And he gave her flowers in a lightning storm They disappeared at night in green fields of silver corn And sometime in July she just forgot that he was leaving So when the fields were dying, she held on to his sleeves She held on to his sleeves Buffy walked alone in the Shady Rest cemetery, idly twirling a sharpened stake in her fingers. Thinking, and seeing his face on every surface. Angel. She knew it was right, of course. They could never really live, be happy – there was too much in the way. But that never changed the fact that she loved him. And that seeing him turn from her, after Graduation, the Mayor... Despite the warning he'd given her "If we get through this, I'm just gonna leave..." It still hurt. And she wasn't so sure she wanted to start over. Not without him. She just wished she could feel his weight against hers, one more time. And she doesn't want to let go 'Cause she won't know what she's up against The classrooms and the smart girls It's the end of the summer Oz wondered sometimes. About Willow. She loved him, oh yes. And she gave him a delight he'd never really considered before. But he had to think that maybe he loved her more than she did him. When he'd seen her with Xander, it had... changed him. Reminded him of the wolf buried within him. But mostly? Reminded him of pain. Of why he chose to remain silent, unflappable. Because Willow's betrayal had driven him into emotions he couldn't even begin to comprehend, and he understood most things. He hadn't been surprised. Hadn't their relationship started – on her side – to make Xander jealous? Hadn't he told her that, and she'd not denied it? But he'd waited, and fallen in love. And though he couldn't be sure if they would last, he would take every moment of Willow-time and hold it close, safe. Just in case Xander changed his mind, realised the woman he'd barely seen all these years, and decided he wanted her. Oz knew that Willow would go to him. And Oz would retreat into himself. And so he wondered... How much of their love was just comfort and security disguised as love? And I had a dream it blows the autumn through my head It felt like the first day of school But I was going to the moon instead Tara couldn't hide the blossoming smile in the corner of her mouth. She was leaving. Escaping. She held the creased acceptance letter in a trembling hand as she read it for the thousandth time. Tara could afford to have hope now – to leave her family behind, to escape... To not become who they said she would be. To live in the world of magic she so greatly desired. To celebrate her mother, and to learn, and to grow. And maybe even to find happiness, or love... Now, Tara could dream. It may have only been college, but to the quiet blonde, UC Sunnydale was heaven. She leaned under her mattress and with a giant red marker, crossed another day off her countdown calendar. And I knew that I was going to learn again Again, in this less hazy light I saw the fields beyond the fields The fields beyond the fields And all of them, in their last moment alone, the deep breath before the plunge, they raised their glasses to themselves and murmured – some with happiness, some with sorrow, but all with fear: "To new beginnings." The End of Summer - Dar Williams The summer ends and we wonder where we are And there you go, my friends, with your boxes in your car And you both look so young And last night was hard, you said You packed up every room And then you cried and went to bed But today you closed the door and said "We have to get a move on. It's just that time of year when we push ourselves ahead, We push ourselves ahead." And it was cloudy in the morning And it rained as you drove away And the same things looked different It's the end of the summer It's the end of the summer, When you move to another place And I feel like the neighbor's girl who will never be the same She walked alone all spring, She had a boyfriend when the summer came And he gave her flowers in a lightning storm They disappeared at night in green fields of silver corn And sometime in July she just forgot that he was leaving So when the fields were dying, she held on to his sleeves She held on to his sleeves And she doesn't want to let go 'Cause she won't know what she's up against The classrooms and the smart girls It's the end of the summer It's the end of the summer When you hang your flowers up to dry And I had a dream it blows the autumn through my head It felt like the first day of school But I was going to the moon instead And I walked down the hall With the notebooks they got for me My dad led me through the house My mom drank instant coffee And I knew that I would crash But I didn't want to tell them There are just some moments when your family makes sense They just make sense So I raised up my arms and my mother put the sweater on We walked out on the dark and frozen grass The end of the summer It's the end of the summer When you send your children to the moon The summer ends and we wonder who we are And there you go, my friends, with your boxes in your car And today I passed the high school, the river, the maple tree I passed the farms that made it Through the last days of the century And I knew that I was going to learn again Again, in this less hazy light I saw the fields beyond the fields The fields beyond the fields And the colors are much brighter now It's like they really want to tell the truth We give our testimony to the end of the summer It's the end of the summer, You can spin the light to gold.