Title: Embarrassing Moments in the Life of Xander Harris #10069
Author: Kirsty

Something was hideously wrong.

He pouted, batted those too-long eyelashes coquettishly and looked up at Xander.

"Do you still love me?"

"What?!" exclaimed Xander, horrified by such a question. Of course he did. He told him, damnit, every night. What in the name of everything unholy and non-living could have brought this on?

Spike's face drooped.

"Well do you?"

Xander leaned over and kissed his love's brow. "Of course I do, doofus," and rolled his eyes playfully.

Oh, and it was so worth it to see that smile that split William the Bloody's face in two.

"Good," stated the vamp. "Well in that case, I want you to make wild monkey sex with me. Right now," and nodded firmly for emphasis.

A hand shot to Xander's mouth in mock-horror. "Oh but we shouldn't. My parents are home and – "

"What the bloody hell are you up to, you strange little boy?" queried Spike as he entered the room, catching Droopy Boy in mid-... droop? For some reason, the Yank brat had some sort of – puppet? – nestled on his hand, with a wad of woollen yellow hair glued to the top rather haphazardly. And it looked like he was pretending to make it talk. Wait a minute, wasn't that a –

Xander, red as a beet, quickly pulled the sock behind his back and attempted to glare at the highly amused, not to mention very-much real Spike.

"What are you doing here, bleach boy? Shouldn't you be out not biting people?"

A scarred eyebrow rose.

"Was that a sock you were playing with, Harris?"

"No, it's a – Hey! I don't need to explain myself to you. So go... shoo." Xander made a flapping motion with both hands, unaware that 'Spike' was still attached, and the smirking vampire quickly made a grab for his miniature self. He looked it over and frowned slightly, casually pushing Xander out of swipe range.

Oh God, Xander inwardly prayed. Please don't catch on...

"Really, I would've thought you'd grown out of this by now," Spike remarked, poking one of the googly eyes and watching it spin. "What's the matter? Red not let you borrow her Barbie?"

Xander quickly retrieved his precious and gritted out a "shut up," attached to a death threat that would very probably require Gray's Anatomy to figure out the mechanics of.

Spike merely shrugged, nonplussed as he grabbed the packet of blood he had initially came for and headed up the basement stairs.

"Whatever, mate. The other Scooby brats won't hear a peep out of me." Strange as the words sounded, Xander had the feeling the vampire would keep his promise. Which, quite frankly, was a lot more disturbing a realisation than knowing that he really quite fancied the pants, shirt, and any other unwanted items of clothing off Spike.

"Like anyone'd believe you anyway," he weakly scoffed as an afterthought, determined to have the last say.

"True enough." Spike reached the stars, and paused. "Oh, and by the way, Xander?"

The brunette sighed and rubbed a non sock-clad hand over his right temple.

"What?"

"My eyes are blue."

Xander looked down at the felt-tipped in, brown-eyed sock, and not for the first time, wished that he had jumped into the Hellmouth on one of those rare occasions when he had the chance. By the time he looked up, the other man was gone.

Innocent brown eyes gazed up at him adoringly, and Xander pointed an accusing finger at his inanimate paramour.

"Oh ...shut up."