Title: Seven Conversations Xander Harris Never Had With Rupert Giles
Author: Fleur
Rating: PG13
Characters: Xander, Giles.
Summary: Conversations between two friends.
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me; they're all our Mr Whedon's.
Author's Notes: The title should be conversations they had but we didn't see, because this is, more or less, a series of seven missing or interepisodic scenes.

Xander would have left the library, but he'd tried that before with books he hadn't checked out, and it had all ended in badness and fines and trying to explain why he was getting out those sorts of books anyway. So he waited, and looked through some of the new witchcraft books that had appeared with the new librarian, and looked up when said new librarian came back in.

Because this was all weird. Way weird. Weirder than Sunnydale weird.

He slid down the banister to the bottom level, arms full of books, and as he landed, the librarian jumped back. "G-good lord, what are you doing here?"

Okay, so 'way weird' was definitely the right word to cover this guy. "See," Xander said, "I've been asking Will that since she told me to come here, but," he shrugged, "turns out it's a library, and books, which I occasionally need, live here."

The man stared at him.

"So, uh, since you're a librarian, I was hoping you could help me out here," Xander continued, holding out his books.

Looking quite off-balance, the man took them, nodding nervously. "Ah, yes, o-of course, I can--" He went behind the counter and Xander followed to the front, leaning down with his elbows to watch him. "Do you, ah, that is to say, do you have a card?"

Xander thought about that. He was pretty sure he did have one somewhere, and for a few moments, dug around in his pockets before producing it triumphantly. He watched the man check his books out, before interrupting him, "So, what's a Watcher?"

Immediate reaction. The guy dropped the book he was scanning, quite dramatically, and looked up at Xander, who just stared back at him. "I-I'm sorry?"

"That conversation you were having with Buffy, new girl." Xander raised an eyebrow. "I mean, I know you're from Britland, but vampires, zombies, werewolves?" He spoke more slowly, now, as if to a small child, "They're not real."

"Ah... yes," the librarian said, reaching up to scratch his head, shaking it slightly "Um." He checked Xander's card again, hands shaking as he passed everything over the counter to him. "Alexander, i-it's most important that you forget anything you might have heard here."

"Forget. Right," Xander said, doubtfully, giving him a look.

"I mean that," the man said, and he had a sterner expression, now. "Your very life may depend on it."

This time, Xander stood back a little, somewhat chastised. "Got it," he said, quietly, and turned to walk out, very much not forgetting it at all.

*

Xander avoided Giles for several days before deciding it was time to face it like a man and let Giles murder him, and going back into the library. He more than half hoped that Giles was going to be a big old not-there-for-once, but when he pushed open the door, silently, and went in, Giles was sitting on the edge of the table, nose buried in some old-looking book.

Giles looked up, and Xander lost all hope of running away before he actually had to do this. "Xander," he said, and it would have sounded friendly-ish if it hadn't been for Xander's imminent death at his hands. "It's good to see you again."

Nodding, Xander looked around subtly for any long-range traps Giles might have set, laying in wait for an innocent him to come in and set them off.

"I trust you've recovered from your experience," Giles said then, and okay, that sentence was barbed more than a German minefield.

Xander nodded again. "Yeah. Recovered. No more black arts meddling for me, and I actually mean that."

"Good." Giles stood up, and actually walked over to him, and when Xander took a very deliberate step back, Giles just shook his head, looking confused. Pretty good actor for an Englishman, Xander considered, trying to lull him into a false sense of security like that. But Giles didn't seem to have any weapons - which only meant he was going to kill Xander with his bare hands - and he didn't seem to be making any sudden moves. He just said, quietly, "It was an extraordinarily foolish thing that you did."

"Check," Xander replied. "Already given me that memo, G."

"Yes, quite," Giles said, and he was actually smiling faintly, in the way that Xander supposed tigers and lions and bears did right before they ripped the innards out of their poor quivering unsuspecting prey. But Giles went on, "It could have been much worse. And there are many things I could say, but I suspect you've learned your lesson."

"What, no stay-away-from-my-Slayer-speech? No locking me in the book cage and throwing away the key?"

Giles gave him an odd look. "I'm sorry?"

"Nothing," Xander said, quickly, not wanting to give him ideas. As Giles nodded, he continued, "So that's it? I'm officially cleared of being-evil status?"

"So it would seem," Giles replied, turning to go back over to the table. Before he got there, however, he said, quietly, "Magic is an extremely dangerous and morally dubious thing, Xander." He looked over at him. "I may be disappointed in your actions, but I'm also rather glad you've learned that lesson."

"With minimal grievous bodily harm," Xander replied, rather cheerfully, and, as Giles gave him another strange look, decided it was probably about time he left.

Giles just nodded his acknowledgement, and Xander turned to go, grinning to himself.

*

Xander walked into the library, looking around at all the, well, everything, everywhere. "Hey, Giles," he called, "Not planning on leaving us without even saying goodbye, are you?"

Giles came out of the office and smiled, slightly, motioning around at the assorted equipment. "No, actually, this is, ah, equipment for a retreat I'm going to."

"For how long, the next century?" Xander picked up a compass from the table, examining it and frowning slightly.

"Very funny," Giles replied, reaching over to take the compass back from him. "And don't touch a thing. Some of this equipment is terribly valuable."

"Yeah, like this stick thingy," Xander replied, picking it up and holding it up with a grin. "Only $2.99 at your nearest Wal-Mart!"

Quickly, Giles took it back and replaced it on the table. "Was there something you wanted, Xander, or was this just another visit to make my life a little less bearable?"

"Nah." Xander shifted some of the equipment over on the table so he could sit on the edge. Giles quickly moved to catch a couple of objects teetering dangerously over the other end, and Xander looked up at him. "So, you hear about your Slayer being a certified genius yet?"

Instantly, Giles smiled, quite obviously proud. "Yes, I, ah, I did. She did rather well, didn't she?"

Xander nodded. "Yeah, between her and Will and Cordy, they officially have enough SAT score to power New York for a year."

"And how did you do," Giles asked, looking up as he continued to pack various objects.

"Let's just say I did reasonably well," Xander said, then, as Giles gave him a rather disturbingly impressed look, he added, "If it was only marked out of half."

Giles stopped packing, then, and leaned against the table, crossing his arms. "Well. They are only test scores, and, ah, I'm sure you're able to retake them if you wish to try for a -"

"More tests?" Xander shook his head, jumping up. "Nah, I'm sure my shining achievement is enough to get me flipping burgers down at Doublemeat; why would I need to try over again?"

There was a pause, then, as Giles apparently tried to decide how to reply, and Xander took the opportunity to jump up. "So, uh, have fun at your retreat thing, bring me back some ground wheat, maybe a few ears of corn..."

Giles gave him a wry look, before saying, "If you wouldn't mind, after I return, I've got a few books of prophecies that rather need decoding. If you've got the time, I could certainly use any help..."

"Sure," Xander replied, and actually grinned, before he turned to go.

*

Xander walked into Giles' house completely unannounced, and, as Giles came down from the upper level wearing only a bathrobe, covered his eyes with both hands. "Giles! Warn a guy before you wander around all wearing nothing!"

Rolling his eyes, Giles went through to the kitchen to begin making tea, still moving a little stiffly.

Xander went over to sit on one of the stools beside the counter, looking over at him. "So how's that Blame Yourself In Three Easy Steps treating you?"

"Quite well, actually," Giles replied, getting down two teacups. "I've managed to refine it to just a single step."

Shaking his head, Xander watched Giles move around the kitchen for a moment, before saying, "You know, I've gotta stick with my original diagnosis of you being way too hard on yourself."

Giles shook his head, and looked up, very deliberately not at Xander. "I'm afraid not. If I'd even listened to Buffy when she first said she thought something was about to happen..."

"Yeah, and if we always listened to Buffy, where would we be?"

At that, Giles smiled slightly, and nodded.

"Way I see it, world didn't end," Xander said, simply. "Which is good. Okay, so you had the Word of Valios in your house, which was bad. And the demons got it, which was also bad." He frowned, slightly, suddenly unsure of where he was going with this. He tried grinning, a little. "And let me repeat the part where the world didn't end."

"Which was in no way any credit to me and my incredibly effective technique of staying at home with an injury," Giles reminded him, and was silent for a moment as he poured the tea, handing Xander a cup.

Xander took the tea and sipped it, pulling a face at the heat and putting it down again. "See, that's where it comes in handy that we're a team. We do stuff together. You screw up, or, more often, I screw up, and everyone else covers."

"We seem to be, ah, a two-person team most of the time, lately," Giles reminded him, and Xander, who couldn't argue with that, just nodded, and went back to his tea.

*

"I still can't believe you thought he was me," Xander said, reaching up to straighten one of the shelves in the Magic Box.

Giles, who was standing beside him holding the other end of the shelf, didn't look over as he replied, "Xander, we've been through this. We thought he was you because he was you. They were both you."

"Sure, I get that, in theory," Xander said as they both stood back to examine the shelf. He stepped forward, satisfied, to hammer it into place. "But it's not like they were both acting Xandery, I mean, one with good qualities, one with bad. Technically, yeah, I'm on board with the whole they're both Xander thing, but..."

Shaking his head, Giles began to arrange merchandise on the new shelf. "It isn't hard to accept what you'd be like with a little confidence in yourself." He looked over at him. "After all, look at what you're like when building things."

"Oh yeah," Xander replied, sarcastically, "Hitting stuff and making it go together makes for a smooth-Xander."

Giles just rolled his eyes and went back to his arrangements. "Not quite what I meant. The thing is, Xander, neither of, ah, the Xanders, was completely out of your normal range of emotion or behaviour. Both were you, but with a different focus."

"And again I say one good, one bad, and we all know which one Anya would prefer."

"I doubt she would." Giles finally stood back from the shelf, satisfied with how it looked, and turned to Xander. "The point is that neither Xander is the one we would like around. Our Xander, you, is the combination of them both."

"With a slightly greater emphasis on the dirty one," Xander replied, without missing a beat.

"With no slightly greater emphasis anywhere." Giles turned to walk behind the counter, picking up a box of merchandise. "I'm perfectly serious, Xander. You may think there was one superior half, but from an outside perspective, I can honestly tell you that the supposed better half is very much inside you."

"Yeah," Xander replied, quietly, not quite believing him at all.

"And if you can't accept my word for it, you simply need to think about it." Giles started lifting books out of the box, carefully. "After all, a promotion doesn't come in one day. You earned that promotion yourself; it just happened to be half of you who was told about it."

Suddenly grinning, Xander thought about that for a few moments, and nodded.

*

When he thought about it, Xander was happy to admit that it was fairly wrong to be locking yourself in a bathroom away from your fiance in order to make a phone call, but here he was anyway, door very much locked and barred (if you considered sitting down and leaning against it, barring it), phone in his hand and ringing.

It was answered fairly quickly, and Xander grinned in relief. "Giles? Giles, it's me."

"Xander?"

"Says so on my ID, which is no longer in any way fake," Xander replied, nervous babble already taking over. "So, when are you getting here, and is it possible for me to leave with you straight away, head for Vegas or something? I can't deal with all this food and these families and the cufflinks and the demons and sweet merciful god, stop me."

Giles was silent, and Xander couldn't really blame him, as he was pretty sure that some of the world's leading linguists were still confused by the way he'd put that sentence.

Xander took a deep breath, and tried again. "When are you getting here?"

This time, Giles was the one to take a deep breath. "Xander..."

Freezing slightly, Xander said, quickly, "What do you mean, 'Xander...'? That was not a good 'Xander...'! That was not a 'I'm arriving tomorrow morning, please be at the airport to retrieve me' 'Xander...'! That did not sound good on any level at all!"

"Xander," Giles interrupted him, and then he paused. "I'm sorry. I should really have called earlier, but..."

"You're not coming?"

Giles sighed. "It would be too difficult. To see Buffy, and Dawn, and -"

"It's my wedding!"

"I wouldn't be able to leave again," Giles said, quietly, in a very measured voice.

Okay, Xander thought. This was not good. Actually, this was firmly in the bad and/or terrible category. "Yeah," he managed to say, quietly. "Yeah, okay."

"I'm sorry."

"No," Xander replied. "No, you're not, 'cause sorry would be actually bothering to come, and sorry would be -" He cut himself off. "So don't say you're sorry."

He could hear Giles taking a breath to say something else, but Xander just hung the phone up, not wanting to hear it, and felt the level of wedding stress suddenly jump up again.

*

"Just stay with him," Willow said, quietly, and Giles wanted to do nothing but reach out and hug her, watching the despair on her face. He nodded, silently, and touched her arm gently as she walked past him.

She needed food and rest, and though it had taken him what seemed like hours to convince her to leave Xander's side, Giles had finally managed it, and now he was left standing in the doorway to the hospital room, looking over at the young man in the bed, and not knowing at all what to say.

After a while, still silent, Giles made his way to the bedside and pulled up a chair, just looking at Xander, unable to take his eyes off the white dressing covering half his face. Xander's other eye was closed, and Giles leaned back, after a moment, exhaling, wondering exactly what he was going to be able to say when Xander woke.

"Giles?" Xander asked, quietly, and Giles looked up, surprised. Xander's eye was still closed, but he was very much awake, head tilted slightly towards where Giles was sitting.

Giles touched Xander's arm, gently. "Yes, it's me. I thought you were asleep."

"They said, uh, they said I have to keep my eye closed 'cause of the strain," Xander replied, matter-of-factly. "Good trick to play on people."

And there it was; the familiar humour Xander had never lost in the face of any of everything they'd faced over the years, and Giles smiled, just a little, and tried to imitate. "Well," he said, trying to keep his voice steady, "I suppose there'll be no more fun and games for you."

Xander winced, then, and Giles had seen him look hurt many times over the years, but none quite like this, and he looked away, wishing he could take that back. There was an awkward silence, then, one that lasted for a few minutes, before finally, and Giles pretended not to notice the quiver in his voice, Xander said, "You know, I'm not dead, you don't get to take up my position of making dumb jokes just yet."

"My apologies," Giles said, quietly, smiling just a little again, touching Xander's arm, slightly.

Still with his eye shut, Xander said, quietly, "Are the girls okay? I mean. The ones that made it out of -"

"They'll be fine," Giles said, cutting him off gently.

Xander nodded, though only slightly, and the two of them fell silent for a long time, before Xander asked, "Are we going to beat this?"

Giles let out a long breath, because that was the one question he couldn't answer honestly. "I don't know."

"So lie to me."

Smiling a little in memory, Giles nodded. "Then yes, of course we're going to beat this. All will be well, and the world will be saved once more, and you'll soon get a day job acting as a pirate at some theme park."

Xander actually grinned at that, and nodded. Then he was silent for a long time, and Giles almost thought he'd fallen asleep, before he asked, "Do you remember the day I first met you?"

"Vaguely," Giles replied, nodding even though Xander couldn't see him.

After a moment, Xander said, quietly, "I think I get it now. What a Watcher is."

And Giles just looked at him; this young man who'd been through so much without any sort of special powers, who'd seen things nobody deserved to and who'd kept helping, who'd taken girls to their death tonight and who'd spent years at the side of the limelight, and he just nodded, touching his arm again. "I think you do."